Today

Today I should be 30 weeks pregnant.
But I am not.
Instead my body bleeds. Physically.
I ask myself, "How cruel can nature be?"

Today I should be 30 weeks pregnant.
But I am not.
The days pass but the pain is always there.
My mind continues to think.
My eyes continue to weep.
My heart continues to shatter.
Into smaller and smaller pieces.

Today I should be 30 weeks pregnant.
But I am not.
No one else will remember.
Not even those close to me.
Everyone else moves forward.
While I am left standing still.

Today I should be 30 weeks pregnant.
But I am not.
Instead I dress in my armour.
The one which protects others from my hurt.
I will take my toddler to playgroup.
I will smile. And chat. And drink tea.
And be happy for all that I have.
But it will not change the fact.

Today I should be 30 weeks pregnant.
But I am not.

With tears of love, Christie x

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Today" - Such a beautiful poem Christie. So true in every way.
3 years ago, with a 12 month old to look after, I lost a baby. I've since been blessed with a beautiful boy & we are now expecting another. We are almost 15 weeks along, and all the tests look fine - but every day I wonder if everything is still okay. 'Why am I feeling so sick today? Something must be wrong!' Then when the nausea subsides 'I don't feel sick anymore - something must be wrong!'
It's so distracting, somedays it's all I can think about - yet I feel so guilty for letting these thoughts consume me, when I have two beautiful boys who need 100% of their mummy.
I also feel like NO-ONE REMEMBERS my baby, even my husband.

Kakka said...

Today a Grandma remembers too, you are not alone, even when words are not spoken. I wish there was a way to make this easier, I wish there was a way to take away your pain, I am sorry I can not do more than remember too. xxx

katepickle said...

Beautiful, difficult, important words....

You will always remember... perhaps one day the memories will hurt a little less but it is important to remember, because remembering is part of loving and you must always do both for all of your babies... even if everyone around you does not or can not.

thinking of you

SquiggleMum said...

My heart is heavy for you today. xx

Cat Bensein said...

My thoughts are with you :(

Huyen said...

friv jogos gratis
friv 4 school games unblocked
a10 Games for boys



The information you have provided is very helpful at all thank you very much for sharing useful information with us. It is so nice to read about another woman going through it too!