What Grieving People Want You To Know

I am not strong - I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel that you don't see me.

I will not recover - this is not a cold or the flu. I'm grieving and that's different. I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my baby, and rather than recover I want to incorporate their life and love into the rest of my life. That baby is a part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember them with joy and other times with sadness. Both are OK.

I don't have to accept death - yes, I understand that it has happened and is real but there are some things in life that are unacceptable.

Please don't avoid me, you can't catch my grief. My world is painful and when you are afraid to call or visit or say anything, I am isolated at a time when I need most to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just touch my arm, or give me a hug and just say I'm sorry.

Please don't say to call if I need anything, I'll never call because I have no idea what I need.

Please send me a card on special holidays, birthdays or the anniversary of the death.

Please say their name. You can't make me cry, the tears are always there. It gives me the opportunity to shed some tears because someone cared enough to reach out to me.

Ask me more than once to join you in going out, I may say no at first, or even for a while, but please don't give up on me, because somewhere down the line I will be ready and if you have given up then I will really be alone.

These words were found via a friend on Facebook.  The original source is unknown but I will gratefully add it if you know where it is from.

Photo source


Busy Brissy Mum said...

I really needed to hear this Christie. Thank you.

Leah said...

What a beautiful write up. So profound not just for the loss of a baby, but also fitting for the many times in our lives when thing are challenging and difficult, we all need friends!

~~Kallie~~ said...

I don't know where it's from either but it's all exactly how I felt every time... still do although less raw & immediate.

Anonymous said...

This, in its full form, is credited and copyrighted by Dr. Virginia Simpson.

Here is the original from her website: http://drvirginiasimpson.com/images/What_Grieving_People_Want_You_To_Know.doc

I hope that helps.

Virginia said...

I am the author of What Grieving People Want You to Know.
Virginia A. Simpson, Ph.D., FT