A Grandmother's Story

As a mother and a grandmother, baby loss within my family has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. To watch your daughter being told the news that things are not what they seem, to see her struggling to cope with the decisions she needs to make, to see the devastation that this loss has caused ... Well it breaks my heart.

As a Mother all I ever wanted is for my children to be happy, to have love, laughter and happiness in their lives always. And now, I see my daughter's heart breaking and I know I can not mend it. I see the loss and defeat in her eyes and I want to tell her to try again, don't give up, if you truly want another child it will happen. But it is not my place to offer false hope for I can not guarantee that she will be blessed with another baby. And so, as much as my heart wants to offer her this encouragement, I keep my thoughts to myself.

As a Grandmother I have taken this loss harder than I thought I would. Months later I am still shedding tears of love for this little one lost. Even though we never got to meet, even though I had only a few months of knowing that my daughter was pregnant before this little one was gone, I still had time to dream, to imagine, to plan all the things we would do together. I could feel the presence of this little one in my life, and then in a moment, it was all taken away. I sometimes wonder why my grief is so strong, given that it was not my child lost but my daughter's child. And then I realised that even though this little one did not take a breath, even though he was not old enough to be legally given a name, that there is no denying that he is my grandchild number 3, and if I do not grieve, if I do not acknowledge this little soul then he is truly lost to me. And so in my heart he has a name and his name is Noah ... For Noah built an ark, one that was strong, one that weathered the storms and survived the floods. And so I know that when the flood of tears that have been shed rise up and surround my little Noah, I know that he is safe and strong somewhere in the Universe wrapped in his Mother's and his Grandmother's love. xxx

This post was submitted by Karen.

Photo source: Scarleth White

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